I had my very first wedding nightmare last night. As someone who has woken screaming in the night with terrifying and visceral dreams, it doesn't really qualify as a nightmare. However, the wedding-related dreams I have had up to this point have been pretty much disjointed and nonsensical... and altogether not scary. The other night I had a dream that me and the boy went to have him try on tuxedos... and he was all for it. While this is altogether unrealistic, not terribly scary.
This dream can qualify as a nightmare because it was cyclical and showed me all the things I would not want to happen. Imagine if I woke up tomorrow and it was my wedding day. This of course means that everything that I haven't done isn't... well, done... As in the DJ I haven't hired obviously doesn't know that I want the bridal party to walk in to Eva Cassidy's Songbird and that I want to walk down the aisle to Etta James' At Last... so they play whatever song it is would normally be played and I think 'crap, i needed to do that.' And as we reached the end of the aisle (the boy wasn't looking at me either, as I have always imagined him being unable to look away, he was just looking around like the ADD patient from hell) I realize that my mother is sitting in the front row. My mother... who is supposed to be walking me down the aisle. No, it's my dad and stepmom (very bizarre seeing as my stepmother would never, ever, ever be involved in this part so long as I'm sane) So I get up to my future husband and we kneel down on the ground (no idea why...) and look up at the officiant who is standing on the other side of the bar. Wait... the bar? We are getting married in a restaurant that's attached to our reception site... And although it does have a bar in it... we are getting married under the huge stone fireplace very appropriate for a winter wedding... This is not how the bar is supposed to function. So we can barely see the officiant... and he makes some sort of joke, and everyone laughs... and then he starts talking to my fiance's brother/best man about computers and technical stuff and... like... not marrying us.
So as if this is not bad enough, we decide to start over and go back to the beginning of the day. This time, I've been screwing around all day and then I show up to get ready right before the ceremony is about to start (in real life, I plan to be at the site as early as FREAKIN possible to get everything set up and to start getting ready and doing other art director super detail oriented things that could possibly be done by someone else but won't because this is MY grand scheme... hopefully). So I get to skip setting up the favors and the centrepieces and show up just in time to be shoved into my dress by my mom and two girls who are not only not my bridesmaids but I also have never seen before in my life... I start asking for hair curlers even though I know I dont want my hair curled on the big day, I want it in a low chignon with a sparkly hair pin... which I didn't have in the dream because I haven't purchased it yet. So I throw my hair back in a low pony tail and am "ready" and the whole catastrophe starts over again. Except this time... we don't have an officiant. In a moment of determination to get this cluster off the ground, I take one of the groomsmen (again, someone I dont know) and we go to a store where someone boy and I know will do it for us because he has been a great friend to us and we know him so well! (apparently) Except this life saver is... dead. He's died. I don't know who he was supposed to be... but he's dead. So he can't do it. Meanwhile my fiance is behind me asking what he should do and I'm telling him he can't look at me. I just keep my back to him. And I think I'm crying or something. This part is really vague because I think I started to realize it was a dream.
Although none of that strangeness was anything out of the ordinary for my dreams, it was still disturbing and about 10 months out it has made me feel anxious... as if in the next year I'm going to forget to do things. I don't think I will... given my voracious attention to detail...
I have thus resolved to make sure that this whole wedding planning thing is not life-defining. I'm already tired of looking at other people's table numbers and the way they take everyday objects, wrap moss around them, and fancy them up to make wonderful and creative centerpieces. Creative I may be, but I am also lazy and have reached a very whatever stage of everything right now. I don't feel the need to hand make every piece of this thing. I will buy premade table numbers and no one will remember them and that will be ok...
... I think I'm going to email my prospective officiant...
As an aside, my fiance has the flu. He bought a fish yesterday and it was dead this morning. In sickness and in health?
-Bo. J.
No comments:
Post a Comment