I'm here to talk about something serious

The big D.



No one in this part of their life wants to think about divorce. I just don't really have a choice because my parents divorced when I was seven years old, and I am a statistic. I read somewhere yesterday (no, I didn't keep the website for reference, who do you think I am?) that the divorce rate is 40-50%. If you parents divorced, it goes up another 50%. And apparently, if your parents got re-married, it goes up another 75%.



If I do my math correctly, which I usually don't, does that meant that my changes of getting divorced are... pretty damn close to 100%? Eff you statistics, not only are you skewed and scary, you require me to think and therefore confuse me.



Statistics aside, here is the way I see it. It's not about numbers or about daddy issues or fear of abandonment. It's simply this one stark reality that I have known ever since I was eight years old: love is not infallible.

This way that I feel about BF right now, the excitement I feel for spending the rest of my life with him, the sickness in my stomach at the thought of him leaving, my parents and everyone else feels this when they get married. And 50% of them get divorced.

I moved with my brother, mom, and stepdad to Northern Virginia from New York when I was eleven. It changed a lot of things in my life, honestly most of them for the better. I had to spend summer's with my dad, and winter break. I didn't get to wake up in my own bed on Christmas morning and spend it with my mom. My dad remarried a young woman with a baby and had three more children with her. So, I have one brother. But I have two half brothers, a half sister, and a stepsister who live far away. When I reclaimed my summers, when I got Christmas back. It was victory. No more spending my three months of freedom away from my own friends and my own stuff. I actually got to wake up on Christmas morning with my mom. Christmas is still hard, but I still cling very hard to those things that I get to control as an adult. I don't have to go anywhere for any amount of time that I don't want to. I was actually able to claim a little bit of that stability that was taken away from me as a child and close the schism that shook my childhood. My life is mine now, not a custody situation.



BF's parents are not divorced, though they both had first marriages. He has lived in the same house with the same parents his whole life. He and his mom and his dad all have the same last name. These are things that are very important to me because I didn't have them. Two homes, two Christmas, four parents... some times more is not always better. There are a lot of things that he doesn't understand and a lot of things he can't. But he knows my strengths and weaknesses and where I stand on a lot of things. I cannot imagine what is like to be him watching me deal with these things, watching me be a little bit different in a lot of ways.

As much as he has no idea what it's like to be a child of divorce, I have no idea what it's like not to be.

When I was in high school I was very angsty, very scared, and incredibly insecure with who I was and my life. Everyone has these problems in high school, I just have a reason. It even went into my early college years, it affected my ability to have boyfriends and I was pretty much settled on the fact that I would be alone.

When BF and I first met, he liked me. And maybe I liked him, too, but I was too scared. He had already gone through so much, I didn't want to hurt him anymore. And I just thought I was too scared to commit. I got over it when I figured out NOT having him now was a million times worse.

And here we are. And although I know that I love him and I want my future to be him, I am still terrified that that will change, because I know that it can. People have tried to tell me that "If you just say that divorce is not an option, it isn't." Words like these shoot from the lips of people who have not lived through a divorce. It's not YOUR fault your parents stayed together, I won't ever say that. But I am different in my mind, in my heart, in ways that I cannot define other than with those words: child of divorce.

And, as far as that statistic that says when your parents remarry your risk of divorce goes up, I don't agree. My mother's marriage to my stepdad has taught me a lot more about marriage than the divorce from my dad did. My mom and stepdad are perfect for each other. They both like a lot of the same things. And even the interests that they don't share, they are willing to do those things with each other. They are all the other person needs and I know they will have each other for a long time. Her re-marriage has made me stronger and made me believe that while love may not be infallible, our ability to love is. And so long as my mom can keep loving - the one who probably was hurt more by the divorce than I was - than I sure as hell can.

I will survive
Oh, as long as I know how to love
I know I'm still love

(Sorry, I couldn't help it)

In any case, having two sets of parents, one of whom is far away and not really involved in my life has added another level of stress to wedding planning as it has to marriage. Who will walk me down the aisle? Who will dance with me? Who will do this? Who will do that? I know who my real parents are, but that won't stop some of my actions from hurting feelings of others.

All I have wished for in life is peace. To be left to my own devices to control my own life. I am a peacekeeper. I will not stand up for myself if it means keeping the peace. I know that this is a flaw of mine, and I deal. But honestly, it hurts me. Anytime I have to deal with anything regarding this division of my life, it hurts me.

I can just hope for my kids that they won't have to make these hard decisions and discover these rough truths at the young ages that I had to.

And for my life? I just hope I get to share it with BF forever. I hope we have a strong marriage so my kids will know what one looks like, so they can be strong. But also for me. I want to love him just to love him, to be with him. My children will go off, will find love for themselves, and I just want them to leave me with my true love.

Any other children of divorce? How is it affecting your wedding? Any one who is marrying a child of divorce who can give me some insight of what it's like on the other side?

Etsy seller, psychic abilites, and Bayside

I have only bought a few things off of Etsy, nothing custom, but I check it every day and search it CONSTANTLY for anything and everything. The diversity of stuff is just mind-blowing.

So when I got a fantastic idea for a cake table sign, Etsy was the first place I went. Here was my idea. (Warning, long explanation is heading your way)

There is a song by a band that BF and I worship, Bayside. The song is called Montauk and you can listen to it here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLHteGVUerk.

The lyrics to this little ditty are pretty close to our hearts. I'll give you the most important parts. The 2nd verse goes a little something like this:

(A-one, a-two, a-three...)

If you hear this and you think you're ready
Meet me in Montauk where we'll write out in the sand
'Here lies the destiny of two hurt souls afraid to be
Cured again'
That'll be our epitaph

I thought I'd known the consequence
Sweetness, can you believe this?
Mess we made of it
This mess we've made of it

In years to come, it might make sense
Sweetness, can you believe this?
What's become of it
What's become of it.

I know that the lyrics are about more about trouble relationships than good ones. However, this song has resonated with us through out are own relationship. It makes me think of something very beautiful that has gotten off track, even though there are still two people in love. Getting off track is something that happens to every relationship, BF and I included, and there is something very optimistic to me about looking at it from the outside and saying, "No matter what goes wrong, this is beautiful and we can fix it" (By the way, I may be the only one who feels this way about this song... even Boyface may not phrase the explanation quite like that... but who needs his opinion?*)

When we saw Bayside live a year or so ago, they played this song and BF turned to give me a huge kiss. I guess this song is kind of an admission that you can make a mess... but "in years to come it might make sense" and to stick to it. I am glad that we both hold the song so dear and it's not my sentimental girly brain at work.

Nowadays, the lyrics to this song strike another chord with me. There is a sense of awe I feel about my relationship with BF. I still look around at BF, at our four legged son, at our tiny, messy apartment, and I think "HOLY CRAPOLA, this is my life! These are MY things, and MY dog, and MY boyfriend and this is going to be MY wedding!" I never thought I'd find him and, from what he tells me, he was pretty certain he was heading the same way. So, I guess all I want to ask him is, "Sweetness, can you believe this?"

When this idea struck me, I about peed myself to tell BF. I was SO excited and I felt so creative and special and...

And, he called me retarded.* He didn't think anyone would get it because they don't know the song. I told him to shut it.

*Seriously, who asked you anyways?

I loved it so much I stuck with it.

I wanted to get a sign for our cake table that says "Sweetness, Can you believe this?"

See, means something to us! And it says "sweet" like cakes are sweet...

Tell me I'm clever and I'll go on with the post. Thanks.

It honestly didn't take me long to find Shauna with Simple Block Sayings. I told her the short version of my long(winded) story and she sent me a mockup right away. They have psychic powers over there because it could not have been more perfect. I ordered last week and it got here this morning.
Umm... guys! I couldn't have imagined this looking better than it does! How in tarnation did she know my exact preference for fonts?! Will you check out that question mark? It's GLORIOUS!
I think I'm just gonna sit around and stare at these for the rest of the evening instead of working on crafts. I'm not surprised that it's so perfect, those Etsy sellers know what they're doing. I think it's more like... one of my 'retarded' ideas come to fruition in such an overwhelming clear and wonderful way. I really, really can't wait to get the cake table together. (And eat the cake...)

**These are both personal photos. Please check out Simple Block Sayings!

Did you surprise yourself with a great idea that turned out great? And how freakin awesome is Etsy?

Gifting Our Gentlemen

BF has gone back and forth on his decision of what to give his groomsmen. There aren't really a lot of options out there, pretty much alcohol or smoking related gifts. Beer glass, shot glasses, smoking kits, cigar holders, lighters. Only so many of our man-boys are drinkers, and then only some of them drink beer/liquor. And although occasionally they may indulge in a cigar, I don't think any of them are frequenters. And don't even get me started on how BLEEPING expensive these things can get. We have six guys to buy for, sheesh!

And two ushers, neither of whom are of drinking or smoking age. I actually forgot we needed to get them gifts until a few moments ago, and I immediately found something very nice.

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What can't a 15-17 year old boy do with a Swiss Army knife? I still want one and I'm a 25 year old girl. (I got a nice one for BF for Christmas and he promptly lost it. I should have just kept it for myself considering I asked for it all the time...) So I got it engrave and BAM, right off into the interwebs my order goes! I heart how easy this is sometimes.

What did you get for your not-yet-men gentlemen? And how much do you love shopping on the internet? Also, any ideas on what to get 6 other man-yet-still-boys gentlemen that they can hang on to instead of drink/smoke out of?

My 'Lovely' Skin

This is the story of my not-so-lovely skin and how we have learned to live together in relative harmony.

Whenever I run into the Mary Kay/Avon/Fill in the Blank lady in Target, in the parking garage, in the mall, everytime I breathe, they love to tell me how lovely my skin is. I know they're just blowing smoke up my rear to get me to buy their crap, but it always makes me laugh.

Because my skin is hard work. It's scrubbing and washing and oil control and dryness and redness and scarred and a pain in the butt. Makeup is my friend, but it can only cover so much. So I know that, if I want my skin to be awesome-o for my wedding pictures, I am going to have to try to fix what's underneath.

Here's a short history of my battle with my face. When I was in middle school/high school I had not TERRIBLE but pretty bad acne that was stubborn as all get out. I was already an unpopular and weird kid (some things never change) and the extra pressure of the acne made me very self conscious (not to mention that the monsters that are middle school students enjoy pointing out each others faults). So, I begged my mom to take me to a dermotologist. And go we went.

Over the next few years I saw multiple dermotologists and was put on multiple perscriptions that did little or nothing. I remember both Differin Creme and Differin Gel, both of which were gentle and helped a little but just didn't do the job. I also remember Benzamycin, which had to be kept in the fridge and was so harsh it made my eyes burn every time I put it on my face.

In light of the fact that nothing seemed to be really 'taking care' of my acne, I went on Accutane.

If you don't know what Accutane is, or what it's best known for, let me entertain you with a selection of pictures related to Accutane.

(The pictures on the back of EVERY pill container, that is a pregnant woman with a slash through it, by the way. Source.)

(Yeah, like that's NOT the scariest thing you'll ever see when you're 15! Don't get pregnant, here's why! Source.)

(This is pretty much the schedule that ruled my life for about a year. Pregnancy tests of two different kids MONTHLY. And I wasn't even DATING yet. Source.)

Other side effects of accutane other than being SCARED OUT OF YOUR MIND? Depression, suicidal thoughts, severe dry skin, inability to heal, acne flair ups, and headaches. I read on one of the scare sheets (and I got many, many scare sheets) that Accutane actually changes the pressure in your skull!

Anyway, scary baby pictures aside, the accutane did help get rid of a large part of my acne, but it was still bad and at this point I was getting out of high school and going into college. I still couldn't seem to get control of my face.

Ok, I lied, that wasn't short.

Anyhoodly-hoooo, now I use Proactiv.

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I use it everyday. When I got a full time job and moved out of my parents house, I actually stopped using it for awhile because I couldn't afford it. Basically, it blew. I broke out and when I did, it was PAINFUL cystic acne that took weeks to go away. Eventually, my mom offered to pay for it because she couldn't stand to see me going through it all again.

So I am pretty much on top of it now. Scrub, toner, repairing lotion, oil control, moisturizer. Every single step, once a day (except for the moisturizer, twice a day). And I have a sulfur mask that I try to use once a week because for some reason my forehead and ONLY my forehead likes to hold on to a smattering of acne for old times sake. Grr on you forehead!

And if it gets really bad, I go twice a day on all of it. I may do this the week before the wedding. I will also mask the night before. (Stupid forehead!)

I use a light cover-up under my eyes (because I carry suitcases wherever I go) and a light powder. If I change makeup, I break out for a week. This does go away, but I have to work this into my plan for makeup. The artist I picked uses MAC so I have to go get some of that to let my skin do it's song and dance before the wedding.

And I have to figure out my redness situation. I am trying to work up the courage and the funds to buy this:

(Thirty Freakin Eight Dollars from Amazon)

As my biggest 'red zone' is also my biggest 'oil zone', my nose, I don't know how that will work out. I try to avoid putting too much on my nose so I don't end up with an oily, cakey... ick, dude. I don't even want to talk about it anymore.

So here are a list of my other skin concerns and my fixes (by the way, when the Mary Kay lady says you have won something, don't believe them. You haven't won anything you wouldn't be getting if you weren't a bride, weren't at a bridal show, or weren't a sucker.)

Those stupid suitcases: Mary Kay Indulge Soothing Eye Gel in the morning (I keep it in the fridge and it feels all nice at 6:30 am) and TimeWise Firming Eye Cream at night. Seems to be working, but I also have to admit that insomnia and genetics have done a number on my eyes and no miracle is going to change that.

My chapped and chewed up lips: Mary Kay Satin Lips Set (Mask & Balm)

The backs of my arms, bumpy and scarred up. This is apparently a problem that a lot of women have. Well girls, try this out! It is my new FAVORITE THING EVER:

(Mary Kay Loofa Body Cleanser: Lotus and Bamboo)

It actually has Kiwi seeds in it. It is gentle, but you can feel that baby working. After a week, the backs of my arms were smoothing. I kept going for a month or two and even the SCARS were starting to go away! I have stopped using it to save it up for the month before the wedding but I really think I might buy more. It is totally worth the $16.00 price tag! And it smells HEAVENLY. I got it for free to try, but I think this will probably be in Christmas presents because I. HEART. THIS. STUFF. Best stuff ever.

Dear Women that I would be buying Christmas presents for, you read NOTHING.

Dear Proactiv and Mary Kay, I will take payment for promoting your products in cash NOW kthnxbai.

Did you indulge in any new (and expensive) products in the name of pampering yourself and/or looking/feeling great for your wedding? Did you find anything great that you plan on holding onto after the wedding?

A different kind of post

So, I was going to write a very serious post tonight. I had something on my mind, but I will save it. Partially because my brain has apparently decided to take this Friday off and I couldn't think if I tried. But kind of mostly because... well, look:

Yes, that is our Jeep knee deep in a mud puddle. What you can't see if the PREHISTORIC MOSQUITOES that began to swarm the millisecond we stopped moving. Literally, it was JURASSIC PARK, they were tapping on the windows while we were inside the Jeep. And, yes, we did have to then get out of the Jeep...

Yup, she's stuck in there good. BF spun the tires for a long time, SHOWERING the jeep in muddy water before he finally broke down and called his dad.

We walked back to the road so his dad could find us, our new friends the swarm of mosquitoes following us... (I am no girly girl, but if you had SEEN the size of these things. I could walk in the mud all day long but these were FLESH-EATING MOSQUITOES)

Getting the chains ready.There still getting ready... Or something, I have no clue.FREEDOM!! It worked perfectly. And thank goodness! Me and FMIL had a family of mosquitoes dining on us. This may seem like I'm exaggerating but SERIOUSLY, swarms of HUGE bugs. When we got back into the Jeep, we stopped and a... something, that looked like it was a fly if it wasn't LITERALLY LONGER THAN THE DIAMETER OF A GOLF BALL sat on my window and stared at me! People, I live in Northern Virginia, nothing will ever surprise me again...

And this, is what happens when you're taking a picture at the same time as dancing. If I stopped moving the mosquitoes would get me... I don't think I need to tell you how big the bugs were.

I made a HUGE mistake during this trip. It's been so long since I didn't anything outdoorsy or whatever, I had not an inkling that our adventure would go anything like this. If I had, I would have worn pants and boots instead of flats and shorts. I really didn't mind tromping through the mud, my shoes will wash off, they were brown anyway. What I did mind was the bugs (did you gather that?) and now I'm afraid I might have touched poison ivy which I am EXTREMELY allergic to (and is actually the main reason I don't go into the woods anymore).

Welcome to the Misadventures of BoJ and BF. Here for your entertainment.

The Elusive Plate Debate

We started our registries kind of early. I read somewhere that you should do it quickly in case anyone wanted to send us an engagement present. No one did, the interwebs lied to be me yet again. Sad face.

Now, I am going to introduce you to something that I usually get the same reaction to. That reaction:

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I realize that this is a little weird... But what others sometimes don't realize about me, is that I have kind of a morbid sense of humor. Also, somewhere along the line I became obsessed with the theory of death meaning change, that every ending is a new beginning. The best reason or example I have of this is the always misinterpreted death tarot card. Which is simply a symbol of Change, the End of This Stage and the Beginning of a New Stage. I'm not a very spiritual person, but this has always had a lot of meaning to me.

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A little bit more on the bright side of things, I have a lotus flower tattooed on my back as a symbol of rebirth. But that is another post, I don't have any pictures of this tattoo on me right now.

Anywho...

I have a dream kitchen. I have planned for a long time that when I finally get a house and my own kitchen, I am going to deck it out in a Mexican Day of the Dead theme (If you don't want to follow that link and you're wondering where the link between all that babbling and this is, the Day of the Dead is a celebration of death and honoring of dead relatives and I like the way it is something morbid highlighted with celebration. Go with it, I know it's tough!)

Of course I want to do it tastefully and not go overboard, but I want to start with a lot of bright, primary colors and then decorate from there. Mostly I was interesting in using the brightly colored flowers often seen on sugar skulls.

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See? Morbid can be bright and fun, too!

So, registering gave me a good starting place because I could register for things in my color scheme.



I found and fell in love with these plates at the very beginning of my registry. Laurie Gates, Lola.

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I love the colors and the flowers. It wans't too girly and you could definitely see how it related to the sugar skulls.

Big problem. Clearance. They were gone within a week of my finding them and I was a little bit more than devastated. (A little bit more meaning freaking out to all my friends and family at the loss of my perfect plates.)

I searched and I searched and I finally found something comparable. Actually, something better! You see, on top of my bright Mexican primary color thing, my favorite color is green and BFs is orange, so I wanted to use both of these colors a lot. And here they are, I present Laurie Gates Tess Collection:(Source)

I'm in lurrrrve!! They are perfect for fun, casual dinnerware that I can show off instead of hiding in the cabinets like our bright red uglies and collections of random plastic bits we have right now!I cannot wait to get stacks of these and start eating off of them! Yippeeee!

Yeah... so, I'm excited.

But I also wanted some 'nice' plates in case we ever have company. However, I was not prepared to ask people to pay the prices of fine china. I just couldn't do it. I happened to also fall in love with some Laurie Gates plates that I thought would be good for 'nice' dinners:

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No, the reason I like them has nothing to do with the fact that they're my other favorite color eggplant which just happens to also be our wedding color. Why would you think that?

OK, that's why I love them. So sue me.

Has anything simple given you the run around during the entire engagement/registering/wedding process? And anybody else out there with a weird obsession/dream kitchen?

Me and my Hair

I. loved. my. hair. Loved!

Long and blonde and straight!

And sometimes I could get it have some texture. I believe I had it in a bun while it was wet and when I took it down later in the day it looked cool so I took a facebook picture. Don't judge!

My hair has been long for ages, and although it was a lot of maintenance I have loved on my hair pretty much every second.

And then, last December I felt like being radical and different. I had no idea I would be getting engaged in a month. And I made a drastic mistake.

And I hate it. It looked cute at times but as it grew out, it just looks worse every day. I'm now growing it out actively (as if I can do anything but not cut it and pout) -- for the wedding and also because I miss my hair.

(me and Bridesmaid Cousin at the end of May)

And I get more annoyed with it. It has no shape, it's just slashed straight across at the bottom. And I was so tired of not having bangs that I went and got them cut a little while ago. I don't have any good pictures of my new bangs. I wanted the sideswept and she cut them all the way across. Although I can fenagle a side-swept bang out of them, they have a tendancy to migrate back to center (I said I loved my hair, not that it loved me back). There is the lovely picture from my last flower post and this one:

(Chewie's hair is looking pretty snazzy in this pic, no?)

It is getting longer. But to tell you the truth, regardless of length my hair is incredibly fine. Like when it's all gathered back in a ponytail, it's less than an inch in diameter. I want my length back just for me, but I am also worried about hair styles for the wedding.

I want a low chignon and everything I see requires a lot of hair to curl and clip. I don't have the money for extensions... So I am in a quandary.

While I'm still collecting hair inspiration for you guys, anyone else with super fine hair have any ideas for me style wise? And any suggestions for getting this stuff to grow faster?